Okay. Entry this time won't tell you what did i have done yesterday, where do i go today, what should i eat tommorow and so on. Just sekadar luahan hati and perasaan. Kalau jemu baca this type of entry, there's always X at the corner there and rasa-rasa kalau nak berjiwang dengan aku, teruskan lah membaca okay?
I used to make a mistake once back then. And I guess you guys had done it before to ryte? Ke aku sorang je buat salah? Okay, sedih.
Aku mengaku yang aku buat salah yang agak besar sampai hilang kepercayaan my important ones. Well, i try to do almost everything to get back their trust. I know it is hard, but i just want them to know that I'm really am changed.
But the problem is, what ever i do, memang akan datangkan syak wasangka kepada dorang and never is right. What ever i tell them, never is 'the truth' for them. I do feel sad when they don't even trust me at all. I know it is my mistake back then, but seriously aren't there chances for me? It just simply not fair for me.
I want to change becoming better person and improve myself. But, when all of this happen, sedikit sebanyak macam melemahkan aku. Everything I've done, it just doesn't work. I know that it do take times, but I almost can't do anything without thinking they don't trust me. It just make me sad.
Yes, I do want to confront them, but it seems like doesn't work. Mesti ada je yang menghalang. Aku ingat bila aku dah buat macam tuh macam nie, dapat lah atleast sikit kepercayaan. Nie, TAK LANGSUNG. Seriously, it make me stress and ntah. Tak tahu macam mne nak gambarkan.
Lately, I just love to be alone. It make me calm and thing about Allah S.W.T. When i feel like i have no one else, i start to realise that i have Him. I know one fine day, i can show to them how much i changed.
I know that they just want to protect me and show that they care. But the thing is, all those accuses just doesn't fair.
Ya Allah, kau berilah aku kekuatan dalam menempuh hidup aku selepas ini. Aku terima akan hukuman-Mu atas salah yang telah aku lakukan terhadap-Mu. Aku redha akan segala yang terjadi kerna aku tahu akan hadirnya kebaikan di hari kelak. Amin...